My battle with Infertility///Up Close and Personal with an IVF Athlete....Part 6
Part 6: The Stress is building up.......
"When it's quiet, and I am all alone, I close my eyes and dream of what it would be like to hold you. I think of how much we'd love you, I think of what we'd call you, and I think of how you'd look. I dream of what our little family would be like. Then when I open my eyes, I cry while the fear builds up inside me of what may never be."
We are just into week two of our second cycle with a tentative transfer dade set on March 14th, and the fear, stress and hormones are starting to build up. I try my best to hide it, and have rehearsed my "I'm doing fine," for anyone who asks. Unfortunately I am still faced with everyday questions and comments from so many.... I feel as if I could write a book on Things NOT to say to a women going through IVF.
- Having a second child is like starting all over again, you know?! NO I don't know...... we are $40k in debt just trying to have our first!
- I hope you are prepared for sleepless nights! I can't wait to have a reason that I don't sleep at night, because holding an infant through the night will be much better then trying to hold my head up!
- You understand what I am going through because your best friends brothers, wives hairdresser went through it too?
- Once you stop trying I'm sure it will happen.....
I know people are just trying to help, and sometimes don't know what to say....but from a women who is going through it, silence is golden. Just don't say anything. Just be there, just pray, and just understand that some days, I don't want to smile!
So for now.......I keep my head up, I keep smiling and I realize that it hurts because it matters so much!
To be continued.........