My battle with Infertility///Up Close and Personal with an IVF Athlete....Part 4→
PART 4...... LIFE AFTER A FAILED IVF CYCLE
Well, it has now been about six weeks since my last blog, when we received the news of our failed IVF Cycle. In those six weeks, I have heard from so many of you with words of encouragement, support and love.... and I can't thank you enough. People that I didn't even know still think about me called, messaged and emailed..... People that I considered friends didn't..... I guess when you go through things such as this...you realize who you can trust and who really cares...so thank you!
We received the news on Friday December 18th....... One week before Christmas....the timing could not have been any worse! Those two weeks of Christmas time were terrible. I cried a lot, my husband and I went trough a tough time(as expected) and I was depressed. It's amazing how differently men and women deal with things. My husband who is a Doctor is very pragmatic. He sees the situation, deals with it and moves on. I however, had to go through Christmas watching all the posts on FaceBook of friends and their children opening gifts, I had to sit with my niece and nephew and watch them open gifts fighting back the tears that there wasn't a baby growing inside of me. I went through sadness, anger and hopelessness. I went through the anger stage again of wondering why the deadbeat women out there get to have children, listening and seeing posts of ignorant girls in their 20's who want to have a child just because they think they are "cute." Luckily my husband is as supportive as can be.. but again, it was me who needed to realize that it is in God's hands...but I had this vision in my head of telling people the great news on Christmas Day.... unfortunately, it was the exact opposite.
I guess it was right around the New Year, that I began to feel myself again. The hormones that had been pumped into my system for the last two months were finally gone, my head became clearer, and I generally felt better. I started to try and let go of the past and begin looking towards the future. I kept repeating to myself what my husband tells me all the time.."Heather, it's all going to be ok, one way or another we will have a child." He always makes me feel better. We talked about adoption, we met with our Fertility Doctor and we formed plan B........
Plan B..... Try Again. Nobody quits and gives up after the first try! So, off to the bank we went to secure another loan to pay for round 2. We are now in debt, but we know that you can't put a price on the birth of a child. I can't give you a date of when we will start, because my body is so messed up internally from all the medication, but it looks like it will be in February or March. So, until then... I will continue to pray, hope and try to continue life as normal!!