My battle with Infertility///Up Close and Personal with an IVF Athlete....Part 10
PART 10: PREGNANCY ISN'T ALWAYS BLISS:
"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged for I am your GOD. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10
It's been a few weeks since I've blogged, not because I haven't wanted to, but because I haven't known what to say. As I sit here and think about the past 5 weeks the first thing that comes to mind is a Roller Coaster. Picture in your mind the biggest Roller Coaster with the tallest ups and lowest lows that you could imagine, and that has been our lives.
July 22: We go for blood work to find out if this last chance of IVF had worked. I was nervous, I was scared, I was doubting life itself.......but it was positive! It was positive!!!!! We were pregnant! Although I was excited, I wasn't as excited as I wished I been. A year of emotions all came out. All the stress, all the sadness, being strong when I wanted to break all came out! It had finally worked...but it wasn't over. With IVF, you need to keep going every few days for more and more blood work to make sure you're still pregnant. So how can I be excited when the Doctors are telling me to keep getting checked?
So August 1 came, and this was our very last blood work...... It is STILL POSITIVE! We are still pregnant........ now it is time we celebrate(minus the beer)! It finally began to set in. We are having a baby(or two). As any excited mom to be is, I begin looking at nursery designs, we choose names, we start picturing life with an additional one or two family members. We couldn't be happier. The third time really could be a charm. But why did it work this time when it didn't work the past two times? Nobody will ever know that answer. What I can tell you is that with this final round, I was willing to try anything and everything. A friend mentioned to me to try acupuncture. Now most of you that know me, know that I am not a huge believer in that type of medicine, but it is worth a try isn't it? So I found a girl in the Charleston area who came to the office with us on the day of transfer and did a acupuncture session immediately before and after the transfer. Supposedly there is some study that shows it increases fertility. Is that what worked? I can't answer that, all I can say is that was the only thing that I did differently.
Now it is August 9, ultrasound day! I am 7 weeks along at this point, and now we travel to Charleston for our very first ultrasound. Nerves begin to set in as I have heard horror stories of women going for these tests and the baby not having a heartbeat....but once again, I toughen up and get myself ready to find out......One or two? One or two? Well folks, we have ONE healthy looking baby with a great heartbeat! We finally get that ultrasound picture that I have always wanted. Granted it looks like a jellybean and I can't even find the baby unless my husband shows me where it is, but I have that picture!
And now we get into that down portion of that Roller Coaster that we are on together. This is supposed to be the best part of the ride, isn't it?! Well not for us. Pregnancy begins to not be so blissful at this point. Sick as a dog. Yep, that's right, sick as can be. I don't want to eat, my stomach is in knots and I feel as if I am going to throw up all day long until about 8pm. When 8pm gets here, I finally feel myself but now I am so exhausted I just go to bed. Finally the doctors find a medicine that makes me feel better..Shew!
Now, just about the time that our roller coaster should be headed back up, it quickly drops again...this time lower and lower. It is just another Saturday night and I go to bed. My husband is away for the weekend so I stayed up just a little longer so I go to bed about 10pm. About 12:30am I wake up to pee (all the other moms can relate as this happens 4-5 times a night). I walk my way through the dark bathroom like I normally do, and go. Wait a minute, something feels different. I look at the toilet paper in the dark, and it looks black. Hmm, weird! I turn the light on and I am bleeding!!!! Don't panic I tell myself, the doctors say that this can happen and that it is quite normal to bleed during the first trimester. OK, I think I'm ok, back to bed I go(after I send my husband a picture hoping that it wakes him up). Well, just like clockwork, it is now 2:30 am and back to the bathroom I go. Blood, blood everywhere. Dark, blood that wouldn't stop. I had to sit there for awhile and all I could think about was "are we losing this baby?" I get my phone and begin to google. I google everything and anything possible. All the stories of people telling me about their own miscarriages play over and over in my mind. I can't believe this is happening and what should I do? Luckily, my husband gets my text messages, comes home right away from his trip and spends the day with me thinking the worst..........
This morning comes and we go to the Doctor for an ultrasound. Convinced that we have lost the baby......we meet with the doctor. She begins the ultrasound and as I am looking away, we begin to hear something. It's a HEARTBEAT! The baby is safe and sound, comfy as can be! My husband and I begin balling our eyes out in the exam room(luckily we are friends with the doctor and staff), and are relieved beyond explanation. A Chorionic hematoma is what I had. A pool of blood that forms near the uterine wall. Some are found on ultrasounds and some come out on their own, causing severe bleeding. I was that lucky % that had to experience that.
So needless to say, right now we are still on that Roller Coaster ride together but today we are headed up...... We are praying that we are on the biggest climb there is. It may be a long road ahead, but as I was on my way to the Doctor this morning, I put ALL of my trust in God....and look what happened. He came through. So for all of you out there that may have a journey like mine, just trust Him. Trust that he knows what is best for you. Trust that he has your best interest at heart. And trust that it will be your time, when it is the right time. We will never know his reasoning for anything, but what we do know is that He loves us more than we could ever love anything.
To be continued.....