My battle with Infertility///Up Close and Personal with an IVF Athlete....Part 13.... Shit got REAL
It's been awhile again since I've blogged, and this time it isn't because I didn't know WHAT to say......It's more because I didn't know HOW to say it! In my last blog I talked alot about how I was feeling physically, and that all continued. By week 32, I was just barely able to workout. I was so swollen and full of fluid that I couldn't get shoes on, so any workout that I did had to be done in socks or flip flops, so I just walked...... alot! I took at least 5 walks per day, not long walks, but maybe a quater or half mile at a time. By week 35 though I was so uncomfortable that I was down to only 200 meters at a time. But I was still moving, and still thankful that I was able to.
At our 34 week check-up, it was determined that my fluid levels were very high, and that our little Henry wasn't so little. So we would be scheduling a C-Section for March 7.... WOW, it's actually happening!!!!! Nerves and anxiety now start to set in. All I have done for the past year and a half has been to be strong, to fight, and to never give up......Now that is all coming to an end, and we are venturing into the next chapter of our lives....PARENTS!
On March 7, 2017 at 11:52am, our miracle, Henry Curtis Armstrong was delivered to us. Just like his mom fought for over a year, Henry fought just as hard to come out..... After about 10 minutes of fighting, we heard his voice! I couldn't see him yet, but I could tell by the look on my husband's face that he was beautiful and healthy. Tears came pouring out, smiles galore in the operating room and our little man was finally here..... WE DID IT!
The next couple of days in the hospital are a bit of a blur (so if you came to visit and I was out of it I apologize). Recovering from the spinal block took about 6 hours, and by the time I could stand up to walk, it was very painful. Luckily I only endured a few short days of pain, after those days, I can't even tell I had surgery(aside from the slice through my abdomen). So the next few days were all about learning. Learning how to breastfeed, learning how to adjust to life with a little one and learning how to parent together. I have been blessed with the most caring, hands on husband that anyone could ask for. He has been more of a help then I could even ask for, sometimes doing much more then me..............
Now is the time that shit gets real.... after the excitement of coming home and having Henry here with us wore off, and reality set in, the part that they don't tell you much about is the Post Partum Depression. I suddenly feel disconnected from life, I feel tired, oh so tired. Not the tired that every parent experiences with a newborn, but an overall physical and emotional tiredness that has me crippled at times. Uncontrollable crying, emotions that are out of control and a sense of helplessness. I have been strong for so long, and I have had almost 8 full months of hormones injected into me followed by 9 months of pregnancy hormones that my body has no idea what to do right now. Again, thankfully I have a super understanding husband who gets it! So he is letting me sleep a little longer, hugging me alot more and letting me get some extra snuggle time in with Henry. It's a feeling that is tough to describe. Overcoming what we did, and the amount of time, dedication and heartache it took to have Henry, has made both of us a little overprotective. It's hard for me to be away from him, I want him next to me all the time and I could stare at him for days in amazement. While I know all of this will get better, and we will loosen the strings and life will fall into place, while you're going through it can sometimes be a stress. So for all you moms out there that may have felt or are feeling the way I am, it is normal. Talk about it, tell someone, get support so that you can take care of yourself while you're taking care of your little one. Don't let it get so bad that it affect the care of your child.
So again, for all of you that have followed our journey and have continued to pray for us and give us strength, Henry thanks you. He will be taught that he was brought into this world with a whole lot of fight and even more prayers from family, friends and the world! He has changed our lives for the better. He has given us both a new sense of life, and joy that can only be felt by holding that little one in your arms.
So please continue to follow his journey called life..............